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Blog Article: Autism & The Serenity In A Smile.

  Autism, for everyone it means something different. That's because every child that has it, is not exactly the same.  I like to say they're "customized".  They truly are..... something special.  A parent feels the depth of that word when they live a life with Autism.  For me, I feel it in the Serenity of a smile, HIS smile. Quite simply, for me, that is all that I need for a better day.

I'm not going into the challenges that are involved. They of course, are significant.  So significant, that I owe who I've become to it, to him. I'm a flawed individual like everyone else, but I'm strong, I'm compassionate, and I know all about self sacrifice.  I don't want to share every detail about the moments I'm overwhelmed with guilt.  Have I done enough? No, I know I could do more, so keep trying.  I also can't describe the depth of my fears. There are no adequate words to express its magnitude.  When my life is done, how will his be?

I cling to hope that my soul will be there, always at his side. Please don't be alone, and I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise. Those times when the question creeps in, for whatever reason the doubt, "Is there really life after death? I think....oh please, there has to be. He needs me! So, I try not to think of it.  My life is always worth living . I will live it for him. When I am gone, he won't see me, but I'll be there. Quite frankly, as I write this now, the tears are coming. Expected or not. It is fear, it is truth, it is love.

What I do want to discuss, is the magic.  Yes, Magic.  He's a pro at it but there are no tricks, and no schemes...it's authentic and there are moments in time where time stands still.

There's times when I, like everyone else, thinks of the bills, family, an IEP meeting at the school, the chores, and just dealing with overall feelings in the day. Then, he walks into the room, smiling.  Right there, time stands still. If I could freeze it just a bit longer, I would.  With a random hug he teaches me to slow down. No agenda. No favors to ask, and nothing he wants me to get. Just to hug..... and I try to never let go first.

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